How's the happy couple? Well, I'd say we are just peachy. Christian Left for marine boot camp in San Diego California exactly two Mondays ago. It's been a really hard adjusting to being all alone and not having anyone to talk to, not to mention the 10-14 letters already sent that he still has not received. I swear the postal service has never given me a problem, but if my mail hasn't reached him by now...we have a serious problem.
My routines seem to be etched into stone. Mondays-Thursdays I wrote letters and send them out, Friday Saturday and Sunday I write and send on Monday. Tuesdays and Thursdays I nanny for my mom while she finishes pharmaceutical grad school, David Eden and Amberly. Three very different personalities and problems to bring to the table. When I'm not nannying or writing letters...which are also journal entries, I'm sewing a baby quilt. I've now completed three sets of baby booties, and three sides of a quilt. Then I need a receiving blanket, and then I need to get on making Christmas stockings for Christian me and the baby. Then I need to make Christian a congrats you graduated bootcamp you're a marine now quilt and plan the menu and activities for when Christian comes home. We have to celebrate Halloween, thanksgiving, and Christmas in a matter of two weeks. Then he's off to combat training for another three or so weeks.
I think the hardest adjustment I've had to deal with, well there are many actually, but going from seeing him every day and sleeping next to him at night and feeling safe...to waking up to a cold side of the bed, missing him so much I've become delirious and hear his voice, see him walk past the door, smell his cologne, and wake up after such vivid dreams that I roll over and expect him to still be there. I have probably cried more in the past two weeks, then I did all middle and high school being picked on, elementary years having to adjust to living in Utah and not having any friends, and my parents divorce. Don't believe me? A roll of toilet paper a day is about as much as I cry. I've had to wash my pillows four times because the fabric was so tear stained and snot soiled that it didn't hardly look like a pillow case. I haven't worn makeup the past month because anything set me off crying. I have to keep toilet paper near my bed at all times, and when I fall asleep I wake up with salty crusties running all over my face. I've taken a bath or shower a day to wash off my tear soaked shame and ended up sitting in the bath under the pouring shower water sobbing just wishing that I didn't feel so alone. I haven't hardly been able to drive, because the new car we bought was one that Chris wanted more than I did. So driving it and not having company sucks. Listening to any music at all that Chris or I have listened to whether on the road or from my computer sets me off sobbing again... Well you get my point.
The only things that have been able to somewhat distract me from my thoughts of misery and utter and total dispair has been the Friday that Ashley Taylor and I went out on the town for a night. Olive Garden, a walk around city creek and then a visit to the temple and a gelato shop. The only good thing that's happened in two weeks, was that night.
Whoever says that working out keeps you busy so you can't think is full of crap. Just saying. When I'm walking(waddling) on the treadmill the only thing I'm doing is thinking. And the blood pumping makes my brain think faster. So I think twice as much as I would if I were to just wallow and cry all day long. Cooking also is a way to sure stay busy and focus on something else...like gaining a lot of weight which I've always struggled with which then makes me cry. Reading is a joke. The first six decent books I found that I went to read we're about a girl who's fiancé was in the military and got sick and died before they could get married...not the best story line to keep me distracted. Movies...yeah dear John is on the top of my never to watch again list. Same with Pearl Harbor. Terrible things to even think of watching when you're alone and miserable. Doing crafts...they all somehow revolve around him. Baby blanket for our son, a quilt for my husband, Christmas stockings for our family,........I need help. The only advice that has been good advice, is to think of him let the tears fall and move on through the day. Well signing off, baby stopped kicking and I'm ready to sleep until next spring.
